Writing makes me feel good, it makes me happy! Whenever I'm low, I just grab my diary and pen and scribble some stupid stuff. But since my diary has been read several times by unwelcoming people, I hardly write them now.
Currently, I'm feeling quite upset and to add fire to the fuel, feeling angry, too. I wanted to write something that everyone can read. Thanks to Blogger! I wanted to confess about who I am in reality. So, this is it...
Look, to start with, I'll have to say that the biggest problem in me is that I'm introvert, very introvert. People who are very close to me might say that I'm an extremely extrovert person. But the truth is, once I get along with somebody, I'm all goodie goodie person, never act like an introvert with him/her. In an all new setting, eg:- a new school/college, it's very difficult for me for a few weeks at the start. I just can't get along with anyone at the first time...if the person comes and talks to me, then only I start talking to him/her and then we befriend each other and it becomes like a 'close' friend thingie.
When I'm with a big group of friends, everyone has their opinions. They all get along and talk among themselves. But I just feel left out- lonely. This is the major problem which I have been facing since I have come to the adolescents stage.
Then there is friendship issues. I'm a very straightforward person who don't speak on anyone's back and just spit it out in front of the person. This has some good plus some bad effects. Good effect is that if I don't get along with a person's attitude or behavior, I just tell him/her straight away- "Look, I hate this thing of yours!" And guess what? They try their level best to change themselves. I have improves quite a hell lot of people my age this way.
And the bad effect is that, sometimes, it goes on incorrectly. Some people misunderstands and then breaks the friendship or just stop talking.
Then comes another problem. I'm the only child of my parents and so, since my childhood, I've been brought up in a setting where there was no other sibling figure. As I'm a girl, my parents take extra-care for me about how long shall I stay out of home and when shall I go out, etc. I have never had lot of friends and never hang out in holidays with them. I'm not allowed to go for movies five to six times in a single month, like others go for now-a-days. Once in awhile is okay.
I love to be curled up in a corner and read lots of novels and listen to music. I'm raised this way. As I stay home for almost 24*7, some people blame me. They say I should go out and meet them personally. But I just can't. And you can't blame me for that...this is how I was raised up.
Some people think that I'm too annoying and that I ask a lot of questions as well as I go on and on about the same topic. Now, usually, when you are upset about something, if you say a very close person about your problems, you feel much better! This is a common feeling we get. But with me, it's sometimes an opposite reaction. When I share my problems with a close person, whose name I won't post here though, that person thinks that I 'go on & on' about the same thing. It's not that. They hardly know me. It's just that I feel bad about something and I just wanna express how bad I have felt about it.
I can't even stay mad at someone for a long time. I'm the one who talks and apologizes first after every silly fight. People just stop talking to me when they are mad at me and when I try to explain, they never reply. I'm totally the opposite- will be the one to catch up with a conversation even after a fight! I always reply however mad I may be with the person. I try hard to stop replying the person, but it never works. I find myself at last, texting the person.
I wanted to clear all misconceptions about myself that others has got. When I meet somebody, and if that person has befriended me, then I try to give my level best of love and care to him/her. Yes, I do ask lot of questions because I care.
I'm a very short tempered and sensitive person. I get angry very soon. I'm currently working on my temper. I attach the close people so close with my heart that while moving apart it hurts. Yeah, I'm a crybaby, too.
This is who I am, overall. This is how I feel and how I think. Hope you understand that I'm not perfect and that I can't be. However I am, I can promise one thing to all my near and dear friends- I'm never gonna let you down. I'm gonna be there for you whenever you'll need me. I'll never stop caring and loving you guys...
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